How To Have A Conversation On A Dating App (Hint: It’s Not That Hard)

No overly familiar pet names

Don’t call someone cutie, sweetie, babe, honey, etc. when you have never met them. The few people who might be okay with this are vastly outnumbered by the number of people who don’t like it. Just don’t risk it.

Nothing sexual

This shouldn’t even need to be said. But there shouldn’t be any sexual messages exchanged before a first meeting. Even if someone states in their bio that they aren’t looking for anything serious, or that they are interested in kink, or anything of that nature, they still deserve some respect and to be treated like a human. There is no need to get sexual within the first few messages.

Don’t expect the other person to lead the conversation, especially if you don’t give much information to work with.

Exhibit A: In this instance, the guy I matched with had kind of a vague bio compared to what I am normally interested in, but at least he wrote SOMETHING, and his photos were alright so I gave him a shot …

Don’t act like you are entitled to someone (or assume someone else feels entitled just because they’re attractive)

I stole this screenshot from a friend:

Ask questions — actual questions, not filler questions or interview-style questions

This is the BIGGEST issue I encounter on dating apps. People will either:

When in doubt, follow up with “what about you?”

Sometimes in the initial stages of a conversation, you can have a back and forth simply by just asking someone “What about you?” So many conversations could be saved this way. By not doing this ONE thing, so many conversations die.

When all else fails, don’t be afraid to change the subject

Sometimes, a conversation does just run its natural course. In the early stages, it can feel awkward abruptly changing the subject. But, sometimes this is just what you have to do. And hopefully you have swiped on someone with interesting photos and/or a good bio, and you have something else you can ask them.

So there you have it.

I realize this might seem like common sense to anyone not on dating apps, but I can guarantee anyone on dating apps who is even half decent at conversation finds this relatable. By just changing things in these simple ways, people would get a lot farther and might actually get to go on more dates. But until people start learning the art of a conversation (which is not even that difficult), I guess we can all tell each other how our day was.



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Lover of dogs, food, coffee, bourbon, and exploring new places.